So, Axe, they of the incredibly sexist ads, are publishing a "graphic novel" for their latest product, Axe Anarchy.

Its creative awfulness is only exceeded by the classic fruit pie comics - if fruit pies caused excessive fucking instead of curing hunger.
I was not, as a kid, a shaped-noodle aficionado. I did love box mac-n-cheese, though, and I was not persuaded by alternatives such as macaroni noodles with actual cheese or, even worse, Velveeta mac. Having been raised by people who believed Velveeta a food product as opposed to reconstituted crayon shavings, my parents once decided they wanted to relive their childhoods and make Velveeta Mac. The experiment was not repeated.

I was (and am), however, a sucker for ridiculous branded items. Which is why I bought a box of this:

Read more... )

(RE: Last post, thank you everyone who responded. I didn't get back to them mostly because I didn't feel up to revisiting it, but. Thank you still.)
Greatest hits metaphors, imagery, and other assorted rhetoric from last night's City Commission meeting where a Gender Identity protection ordinance was debated (and approved 4-1):

- Trans people are like people who think they're Napoleon Bonaparte and/or Abraham Lincoln dress in period costume
- Trans people violate the laws of physics
- A doctored photo of Barack Obama in drag, presented with (paraphrased ATM): "Would anyone have voted for this man if he was dressed like this? No. Would anyone hire this man?"
- Sociologists in China and India have proven that the reason America is so successful is Christianity, so they're thinking "they need to get some of it."
- Trans people aren't "relateable"
- Trans people will compulsively molest young children
- Religion is not a choice
As it is a chilly 57°F outside, I turned on the heater in the car - such temperatures in early October are alien to me. This conversation ensues:

My Brain: Christmas!
Me: No, it's not.
My Brain: But! Heater! Cold! Christmas!
Me: Stop. That.
My Brain: :(
...Thanksgiving?
Me: NO.
My Brain: But, but, but! Heater!
Me: I give up.


In this installment, Rick Barber begins to hallucinate even more dead historical figures to use as props in his ever-lengthening campaign to equate taxes and government programs with historical atrocities of increasing magnitude. Sure, he's already slipped in both slavery and the Holocaust, itself a pretty good twofer, but I'm sure he can manage a "financial regulation is to Americans as the Trail of Tears was to Native Americans" in there somewhere.

Also, guest starting Dale Peterson and his shotgun of Commie-killing, Republican-approved doom.

And in case you missed it, Last Week's Exciting Episode: Rick Barber fails his high school history exam!
Memo to the universe: if it is fermented and uses hops, it is beer. It does not matter if the base is rye, wheat, or raspberries, it. Is. Beer.

Framboise? Beer. Beer is not just crappy pale lagers, no matter how "natural."

Also, if you do not know what a specialty beer is, do not pretend you do. If it is manufactured by a major distributor and was not a small label purchased by said distributor within the past ten years, it is not a specialty beer.

You do not look smart for talking about this "amazing" specialty beer you found, which you finally remember as Shock Top. Shock Top is a good Belgian White, but it is not special. It is brewed and bottled by fucking Michelob. You do not look like you really know anything about beer. You just look silly.

You make my kitten-shaped, beer-loving soul cry.
Propose YOUR ideas for the Republican platform using the power of the tubes. (Some declogging charges may apply, as "a very high volume of Americans...speaking out right now" can make the site unavailable.)

Rep. Kevin McCarthy (R-Calif.) "personally traveled to Washington state and discovered a Microsoft program that helped NASA map the moon."

Moon software - always a good sign! However, given how often their site is going down, I;m not ecne sure Martian software could save all these valuable American ideas.

I gotta say, I'm totally down with the idea of testing teenagers for gayness and pedophilia with porn, and then sending the "pedos" to camps where "where all pedos are rounded up and contained for life."

Also, the oil slick is totally giving us super-dolphins! Thanks, BP!
Having been viciously pissy for the past three days, it perked me up to see that Ravenous Romance had released a new special Day-Before- Half-Off-Candy-Day story, Love Birds. The last couple of RR short stories have been duds, but this was a story by Isabel Roman, she of the shaven pubic hair and genital insults. Surely there would be something to mine.

We start out promising. All of the female characters are stolen from bad Sex and the City fanfic, only their names are bird-themed (Lark, Cardinal, and so forth.) It's not horrifying, but just bland.

And then we hit Gettysburg and possibly the most awkward, horrifying line I've yet read in porn. )
arionhunter: From Twelfth Night, Shakespeare in the Park 2009, Public Theater (Hathaway - Kiss)
( Aug. 14th, 2009 04:02 am)
This book, Searching for Whitopia: How the Whiter Half Lives, sounds absolutely fascinating. I'm curious to see if he looked at if the places he went were once (or still are) considered "sundown towns."

I'm also interested to see his argument that "the small government movement has always had racial components, beginning with white flight from central cities and public schools in the 1960's -- and a great deal of this is based on fear"--and then see if it would hold up against white Southern minds.









And in Authors Not Of the Time, SF author John C. Wright gets his crazy on, then when faced with overwhelming internet derision, declares, "Even though we are on opposite sides, I assure you that the real division in the world is not between Right and Left, not between Homophobes and Pervertarians, but between men of reason and good will, we men of the mind, and our mutual foes, the men of unreason, the men of mere emotion."

Also, anger at his opinions is is in actuality all about others' collective daddy/mommy complex, for "Those folks are all mad at their fathers or something, and wanted to say to me hateful things they never got a chance to say to the people they are really mad at."

Of all the things I'd like to say to my parents (and there's a lot), that some guy on the internet is an ass is not one of them.

UPDATE: Aaaaannnndddd he's back! Some choice quotes:
"If the incest is consensual, between adults, and sterile (so that there are no birth defects) on what ground can it be called illicit while homosexuality is called licit?"
I WONDER.
"Those of you who argued that sex with a sterile woman is the same as homosexual acts: this is both irrelevant and false. You are conflating the sex act with mere stimulation of the sexual organs."
Sterile people don't have sex, they are...stimulated. By...sex? Puppies? Dildos? Unicorn farts? I dunno!
One of the great "advantages" of my job is the fact I get paid to watch infomercials at 3 a.m.

Right now, we're on CCN, whose ineptness at selling you pointy, deadly implements borders on farcical. While HSN has the zoom-in voice-over down, CCN spends large passages zoomed out from the product piled on a table while the host rambles in concentrated Shatner-esque bursts just off-stage, audibly digging around in a cardboard box. He regularly forgets the prices to his own items, then announces blithely, "Why, I've never actually seen this before!"

Yesterday morning was Final Events of Biblical Prophecy, whose high school play theatrics, when combined with the budget of Bibleman, produce such important lessons as, "Rapture will give you superpowers and let you breathe in space!" and "Heaven is seeing everything through a drunken haze."
arionhunter: (Shinkenger - Chiaki WTF)
( Jul. 23rd, 2009 02:11 pm)
- Apparently, Local Apartment Complex is taking lessons from Evony's advertising team.

Large image warning. )

Of course, the last ad doesn't even bother having any information about the apartment complex at all.

- New Ping Your Spaceman post on Tampax's problematic "man with a vagina" ad campaign.

- I keep finding and purchasing Avatar: The Last Airbender DVDs on $3 clearance, all the while still having a huge existing show backlog already. And this is not counting the fact Avatar is a gamble for me, because I wasn't won over by the first few bits I saw, though it tried very, very hard.

I shall commit myself to getting at least half of S&A's last season done tonight if I can stave the guilt off long enough.
Oh, Larry Langford.

Never leave us, for what other city mayor will bankrupt the city, hold a city-funded sackcloth-and-ashes "pray away the crime" rally, use the annual, never-had-problems Pride parade as a chance to buff his morality defender cred, get himself arrested, and give out unicorns?

Not some boring normal mayor, I'll tell you what!
[personal profile] arionhunter: Oh god, I think I've found the equivalent of Femslash MPreg
"When two females are in middle of sexual intercourse, if two eggs collide and complete each other, they become a healthy Fetus"
The eggs collide, like atoms in a Hadron collider!
If only we knew high-level astrophysics was really all about a way of making babies without sperm!
[personal profile] arionhunter: Did I horrify you into silence?
[personal profile] eisen: n, I was just responding to a comment on my DW about toradora.
[personal profile] arionhunter: Aww, I wanted to horrify you into silence!
---
[personal profile] arionhunter: *is still in love with the mental image of a fetus Hadron collider*
[personal profile] eisen: ... it's, uh. An image, yeah.
[personal profile] arionhunter: Don't you love knowing me?
[personal profile] katarik: ...
[personal profile] arionhunter: Those crazy kids and their colliding eggs
[personal profile] katarik: you are so weird.
[personal profile] arionhunter: Aww, but you love it
As we all know, advertising aimed at women kind of fails spectacularly pretty regularly. But I think we've hit a new low (or high) with the Fling, which is described as,
"Wrapped in a shiny pink and sliver package, this delicate "chocolate finger" is intended for women. The word "finger" is an industry term for a long, slim confection, Mars spokesman Ryan Bowling says, but with ads that invite you to "Pleasure yourself" in pink lettering, consumers might come to other conclusions."
And nothing says classy like an ad which implies dressing-room sex!









Possibly the best description of the entire endeavor? "The language of it has so much sexual innuendo, you could pack it into a trashy novel."

WAIT WAIT WAIT! BUT THERE'S MORE! The New Zealand advertising campaign lets users create your own custom man to "have a harmless fling" with, as well as allowing women to "send out flirty e-mails."
.

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