A Vagina You Can't Take Home to Mother (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
arionhunter) wrote2010-12-13 04:25 pm
arionhunter) wrote2010-12-13 04:25 pm
Entry tags:
TLA Liveblog, Long Delayed Part 2
One of the things you should know is that I have already made myself a "Bang Your Head On The Bedpost" and I'm pretty sure it's just going to go downhill from there. I have just finished Massive Paper #1 of finals week, and I have enough time left that I can celebrate by getting kind of tanked.
Also, my threshold for handling 30 minutes of the TLA movie looks to be about 4 months.
(As per the icon, please note that orgies are frowned upon.)
0:36:45 - I know this moment's supposed to be exposition, but there's way too much "Candy in the van!" going on here.
0:37:00 - Apparently, in my earlier post I neglected to mention how Dev Patel's particular method for playing Prince Zuko was "Enraged Lifelong Smoker."
0:37:06 - An "Agnee Key" duel. Which, I presume, involves shoving your knees into places they don't belong. Causing agony.
0:37:21 - Oh, yay! An insinuation that Zuko is such a wuss, he should fight his sister! Gender essentialism is a healthy part of growing up crazy!
0:37:35 - Oh, Dev Patel. It's okay to cry. I promise. I'm sorry you're in this movie too.
0:37:42 - "We'll catch him soon, Uncle. And then we can think about the pretty girls." So many different kinds of jokes to be applied here! Implied gayness! Hilariously intense line-reading! Patel!Zuko Scowling His Way To Orgasm During Sex! Pick your favorite!
0:38:12 - I don't know where to start here. The bad tai chi, Nicola Peltz doing this thing she thinks is acting that looks more like rapidfire blinking, Noah Ringer's heaving line delivery, where every three words seems like an Herculean effort worth of Shatner himself?
0:38:26 - Nicola Peltz. We need to have a talk. You're a young actress, so I can understand that you really want to do your best in this role. It's a lot of responsibility.
However. The line is not tied around your neck. You are not being dragged down by it. If you keep bobbing your head like a chicken every time the director tells you your line is has weight, I'm going to begin thinking about cutting it off.
Not that it'd make a difference in your acting, but. It's emotionally satisfying, like flyswatting.
0:38:48 - What is that--How are you--That's not even bending. That's stupid handwaving. The water's not moving toward you, it's waving hello to its next-door neighbor before it heads off to buy groceries.
0:39:28 - WHY DO YOU NEED HELP. YOU ARE EXPLAINING NOTHING. THAT SCENE IS NOT DIRECTIONALLY CRYPTIC. IT IS JUST POINTLESS.
0:39:42 - There was not talk. There was a suggestion, and then Sokka!Rathbone was angry. This is not logical plot movement, M. Night.
0:41:10 - ...Wait, so this is that nice episode wherein Aang realizes he kind of fucked, and they replaced it with Random Old Dude Talking About Destiny? Why? What about the series made this change necessary? How did Dude know this was the avatar?
It should also be noted that I have since gotten myself a slice of chocolate cake, because clearly this afternoon is not about to get any better.
0:42:10 - Every time Noah Ringer opens my mouth, I am resisting the urge to shout, "No one fucking cares about your teenage angst, Noah." This is, after all, not Twilight.
(And, that's one required fannish joke down...)
0:43:05 - Oh look! We're back on the set of the Twilight forest!
0:43:46 - Oh, Aasif Mandvi. I know you're really trying and shit, but I keep expecting you to hell "Raskolnikov!" or "Sharrup you mouth!"
0:44:24 - This scene needs some Jon Stewart straightman, stat.
0:45:17 - NINJAS!
0:45:58 - I hate it when I 'm right, because the last thing this movie needed was Water Tribe ninjas.
0:46:11 - "Fools." Really. Oh, Aasif Mandvi, I hope this paid for some child's college tuition, because otherwise this role totally wasn't worth it.
0:48:53 - Oh, look. Another abysmally choreographed and shot action sequence I can't both to comment on because it's so bad, it makes a tiny part of my soul cry. Oh, John Woo, Where are you when we need you?
0:50:15 - Stick twirling. Why, Aang could win a a spot on his high school danceline at this rate!
(As you may be able to tell, I am both getting drunker and boreder. Mostly because I'm thinking about how I could be watching The Warlords and enjoying a movie, instead of suffering through this...My tastes tend toward big-budget HK action pieces? Why, whatever gave you that impression?)
0:53:41 - I know I am , admittedly, less than sober right now, but was that supposed to be a gas leak? Did the ship explode? Was any of this supposed to make sense?
0:54:25 - "...and openly practice waterbending!" That sounds way too much like "...and openly practice his homosexuality!"
0:55:19 - I'm not sure how much more of this movie I can take. I'm starting to sober up, and its' starting to climax up, and I'm way less interested in this climax than I am in being sober.
0:55:34 - Romance by editorial fiat. Sexy.
0:56:35 - Okay, I think I'm done of the night. This move was just so audience-insultingly stupid I'm not sure I'm yet able to process all the stupid that was just thrown at me. I'm gonna have to pick this up later.
Hopefully in sooner than four months.
Part I.
Also, my threshold for handling 30 minutes of the TLA movie looks to be about 4 months.
(As per the icon, please note that orgies are frowned upon.)
0:36:45 - I know this moment's supposed to be exposition, but there's way too much "Candy in the van!" going on here.
0:37:00 - Apparently, in my earlier post I neglected to mention how Dev Patel's particular method for playing Prince Zuko was "Enraged Lifelong Smoker."
0:37:06 - An "Agnee Key" duel. Which, I presume, involves shoving your knees into places they don't belong. Causing agony.
0:37:21 - Oh, yay! An insinuation that Zuko is such a wuss, he should fight his sister! Gender essentialism is a healthy part of growing up crazy!
0:37:35 - Oh, Dev Patel. It's okay to cry. I promise. I'm sorry you're in this movie too.
0:37:42 - "We'll catch him soon, Uncle. And then we can think about the pretty girls." So many different kinds of jokes to be applied here! Implied gayness! Hilariously intense line-reading! Patel!Zuko Scowling His Way To Orgasm During Sex! Pick your favorite!
0:38:12 - I don't know where to start here. The bad tai chi, Nicola Peltz doing this thing she thinks is acting that looks more like rapidfire blinking, Noah Ringer's heaving line delivery, where every three words seems like an Herculean effort worth of Shatner himself?
0:38:26 - Nicola Peltz. We need to have a talk. You're a young actress, so I can understand that you really want to do your best in this role. It's a lot of responsibility.
However. The line is not tied around your neck. You are not being dragged down by it. If you keep bobbing your head like a chicken every time the director tells you your line is has weight, I'm going to begin thinking about cutting it off.
Not that it'd make a difference in your acting, but. It's emotionally satisfying, like flyswatting.
0:38:48 - What is that--How are you--That's not even bending. That's stupid handwaving. The water's not moving toward you, it's waving hello to its next-door neighbor before it heads off to buy groceries.
0:39:28 - WHY DO YOU NEED HELP. YOU ARE EXPLAINING NOTHING. THAT SCENE IS NOT DIRECTIONALLY CRYPTIC. IT IS JUST POINTLESS.
0:39:42 - There was not talk. There was a suggestion, and then Sokka!Rathbone was angry. This is not logical plot movement, M. Night.
0:41:10 - ...Wait, so this is that nice episode wherein Aang realizes he kind of fucked, and they replaced it with Random Old Dude Talking About Destiny? Why? What about the series made this change necessary? How did Dude know this was the avatar?
It should also be noted that I have since gotten myself a slice of chocolate cake, because clearly this afternoon is not about to get any better.
0:42:10 - Every time Noah Ringer opens my mouth, I am resisting the urge to shout, "No one fucking cares about your teenage angst, Noah." This is, after all, not Twilight.
(And, that's one required fannish joke down...)
0:43:05 - Oh look! We're back on the set of the Twilight forest!
0:43:46 - Oh, Aasif Mandvi. I know you're really trying and shit, but I keep expecting you to hell "Raskolnikov!" or "Sharrup you mouth!"
0:44:24 - This scene needs some Jon Stewart straightman, stat.
0:45:17 - NINJAS!
0:45:58 - I hate it when I 'm right, because the last thing this movie needed was Water Tribe ninjas.
0:46:11 - "Fools." Really. Oh, Aasif Mandvi, I hope this paid for some child's college tuition, because otherwise this role totally wasn't worth it.
0:48:53 - Oh, look. Another abysmally choreographed and shot action sequence I can't both to comment on because it's so bad, it makes a tiny part of my soul cry. Oh, John Woo, Where are you when we need you?
0:50:15 - Stick twirling. Why, Aang could win a a spot on his high school danceline at this rate!
(As you may be able to tell, I am both getting drunker and boreder. Mostly because I'm thinking about how I could be watching The Warlords and enjoying a movie, instead of suffering through this...My tastes tend toward big-budget HK action pieces? Why, whatever gave you that impression?)
0:53:41 - I know I am , admittedly, less than sober right now, but was that supposed to be a gas leak? Did the ship explode? Was any of this supposed to make sense?
0:54:25 - "...and openly practice waterbending!" That sounds way too much like "...and openly practice his homosexuality!"
0:55:19 - I'm not sure how much more of this movie I can take. I'm starting to sober up, and its' starting to climax up, and I'm way less interested in this climax than I am in being sober.
0:55:34 - Romance by editorial fiat. Sexy.
0:56:35 - Okay, I think I'm done of the night. This move was just so audience-insultingly stupid I'm not sure I'm yet able to process all the stupid that was just thrown at me. I'm gonna have to pick this up later.
Hopefully in sooner than four months.
Part I.