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For some reason, I have been buying all of my books from the Dollar Tree lately, as a large chunk of their stock caters to my interests. These books have also been rather good overall.
I sense this says questionable things about my taste.
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Having been stuck around politicians all of yesterday (see large digression), I have determined the differences between local, state, and national politicians.
Large Digression: Working my way through listening to every. single. gubernatorial. candidate, followed by a fucking two hour city council meeting with a half-hour of lawyer maneuvering bullshit that moved her case nowhere yet she would not shut the fuck up. Not even Councilman 3’s unnatural Blazing Carrotman Tan* could distract me anymore. When I tried to vent my frustrations in my notebook, I ended up with OHMYFUCKI*scribbescribblenolongercapableofwritingcoherently*.
Local politicians think that the best way to get across is by repeating themselves, but with a slight variation each time. Local politicians do this mainly because they like hearing themselves talk, and they like the on-the-record quote they can use in later campaigns even more. Local politicians, knowing they rarely need to impress beyond the basic criteria of “can form coherent sentence,” eschew complexity for constituent connection. Local politicians’ quirks are usually considered quirky-but-cute, mainly because they’re local and thus have some semblance of interest in the people they represent.
State politicians think the best way to get a point across is with firm declarative sentences. Sometimes a rhetorical question is called for, but only as a setup for more firm declarative sentences, with double points if they’re firm declarative sentences about the politician themselves. For state politicians, metaphors must not reach beyond the complexity of a mildly clever pun, i.e. Helen Keller had the most vision of anyone in Alabama, which is clever because she was blind! State politicians’ quirks are universally irritating, because state politicians are usually local politicians with too much ego, and thus must satisfy this ego by being surrounded by people just like them. This combination can occasionally lead to national-level hilariousness.
(Note: There is also the occasional local sub-category of mayor, which awkwardly combines state-level egos with local quirky charm.)
National politicians function in soundbites. If a sentence is not a soundbite, it exists merely to string all the various soundbites together. Specificity is undesirable unless it comes to metaphors, where specificity exists to show constituent connection; if specificity is mistakenly applied to any other point of interest, the national politician will quickly veer into the undecipherable. Due to the average person’s distance from their national representative, national politicians’ quirks are consistently hilarious in the same manner as those of a trained circus animal, for they have often had their natural charm drained out or given a veneer of professionalism and thus cease to be viewed as normal human beings.
At least the lady who thinks demonic forces have possessed the city council appeared to not be in attendance.
*You ought to see his tan on public access TV! In fact, you should watch his public access TV show! His audience might plateau at 10 people as long as none of his relatives croak! He can't stop talking with exclamation points! Whenever he's in his natural state of fake!pleased, all of his sentences are punctuated with happy exclamation points! Except when he's angry, where in all of his sentences are punctuated with incredulous exclamation points!
I sense this says questionable things about my taste.
-
Having been stuck around politicians all of yesterday (see large digression), I have determined the differences between local, state, and national politicians.
Large Digression: Working my way through listening to every. single. gubernatorial. candidate, followed by a fucking two hour city council meeting with a half-hour of lawyer maneuvering bullshit that moved her case nowhere yet she would not shut the fuck up. Not even Councilman 3’s unnatural Blazing Carrotman Tan* could distract me anymore. When I tried to vent my frustrations in my notebook, I ended up with OHMYFUCKI*scribbescribblenolongercapableofwritingcoherently*.
Local politicians think that the best way to get across is by repeating themselves, but with a slight variation each time. Local politicians do this mainly because they like hearing themselves talk, and they like the on-the-record quote they can use in later campaigns even more. Local politicians, knowing they rarely need to impress beyond the basic criteria of “can form coherent sentence,” eschew complexity for constituent connection. Local politicians’ quirks are usually considered quirky-but-cute, mainly because they’re local and thus have some semblance of interest in the people they represent.
State politicians think the best way to get a point across is with firm declarative sentences. Sometimes a rhetorical question is called for, but only as a setup for more firm declarative sentences, with double points if they’re firm declarative sentences about the politician themselves. For state politicians, metaphors must not reach beyond the complexity of a mildly clever pun, i.e. Helen Keller had the most vision of anyone in Alabama, which is clever because she was blind! State politicians’ quirks are universally irritating, because state politicians are usually local politicians with too much ego, and thus must satisfy this ego by being surrounded by people just like them. This combination can occasionally lead to national-level hilariousness.
(Note: There is also the occasional local sub-category of mayor, which awkwardly combines state-level egos with local quirky charm.)
National politicians function in soundbites. If a sentence is not a soundbite, it exists merely to string all the various soundbites together. Specificity is undesirable unless it comes to metaphors, where specificity exists to show constituent connection; if specificity is mistakenly applied to any other point of interest, the national politician will quickly veer into the undecipherable. Due to the average person’s distance from their national representative, national politicians’ quirks are consistently hilarious in the same manner as those of a trained circus animal, for they have often had their natural charm drained out or given a veneer of professionalism and thus cease to be viewed as normal human beings.
At least the lady who thinks demonic forces have possessed the city council appeared to not be in attendance.
*You ought to see his tan on public access TV! In fact, you should watch his public access TV show! His audience might plateau at 10 people as long as none of his relatives croak! He can't stop talking with exclamation points! Whenever he's in his natural state of fake!pleased, all of his sentences are punctuated with happy exclamation points! Except when he's angry, where in all of his sentences are punctuated with incredulous exclamation points!