Truth That Goes Crunch

One of the things you should know is that I have already made myself a "Bang Your Head On The Bedpost" and I'm pretty sure it's just going to go downhill from there. I have just finished Massive Paper #1 of finals week, and I have enough time left that I can celebrate by getting kind of tanked.

Also, my threshold for handling 30 minutes of the TLA movie looks to be about 4 months.

(As per the icon, please note that orgies are frowned upon.)

( The Adventure Continues! Kind of. )

Part I.

A:TLA reviews are rolling in and it's bad. Bad, bad, bad. The range spans from middling to fucking brutal.

Bonus: Why I love Roger Ebert, the movie reviewer.

Having been viciously pissy for the past three days, it perked me up to see that Ravenous Romance had released a new special Day-Before- Half-Off-Candy-Day story, Love Birds. The last couple of RR short stories have been duds, but this was a story by Isabel Roman, she of the shaven pubic hair and genital insults. Surely there would be something to mine.

We start out promising. All of the female characters are stolen from bad Sex and the City fanfic, only their names are bird-themed (Lark, Cardinal, and so forth.) It's not horrifying, but just bland.

( And then we hit Gettysburg and possibly the most awkward, horrifying line I've yet read in porn. )

Over the phone yesterday I told katarik that I rarely had enough time nowadays to read bad porn, which is very sad. However, I make time for what I can -- and when Ravenous Romance puts out a new free short story, the reaction may be Pavlovian.

(Speaking briefly of real life: STOP APOLOGIZING WHEN YOU HEAR ME SPEAK. YOU HAVE NOT GOTTEN MY GENDER WRONG. I DO NOT APPRECIATE THE TITTERS. I WILL CHOKE EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU FUCKERS.)

"The Cactus League Society" (an m/m romance) is no match for "Handsome and Petal," certainly, but it does draw the obvious parallel. Which, really, is all I can ask for.

( Westward Ho! )

BONUS: Oh, yes, Ravenous Romance, I think I am indeed seeing what you did there with the strategically placed V.

arionhunter: Possibly the best response to my existence ever devised: http://arionhunter.dreamwidth.org/22726.html?thread=62150#cmt62150
petra: wtF.
*snorking*
That's special. How sweet of Betty to see it and think of you.
arionhunter: I know! I feel touched that my existence has become inexorably linked with odd and extreme phallic imagery in her mind.
petra: Everyone should remind their friends of something.
arionhunter: How touching that I am phalluses and bad sex.

In other news I am exhausted and have a great number of things I should be doing for school, not least among them studying for the GRE on Tuesday, but instead of all that I am going to go curl up in my bed with Bill O'Reilly's novel. Given I was laughing as soon as I flipped to a random page and started reading, I suspect it will be a very enjoyable experience. Also, the Amazon tags are glorious.

I feel the universe should know that I have Opinions on Bibleman, and this scares me. Given that I *avoided* my Statement of Purpose just so I could watch Bibleman, this is doubly worrying.

Background to explain this chat: Due to inadvertent if hilarious mental scarring that is All My Fault, I agreed from the kindness of my heart (and because I am a sap) to bake katarik a cake. However, with me a gift is not just a gift. It is a joke waiting to happen.

So this thread may have been...inspiring. She can just be thankful at the time I didn't think to look for Kiss Play fanart.

( i am actually more concerned that you would buy me toys and arrange them in obscene positions. )

arionhunter: Oh god, I think I've found the equivalent of Femslash MPreg
"When two females are in middle of sexual intercourse, if two eggs collide and complete each other, they become a healthy Fetus"
The eggs collide, like atoms in a Hadron collider!
If only we knew high-level astrophysics was really all about a way of making babies without sperm!
arionhunter: Did I horrify you into silence?
eisen: n, I was just responding to a comment on my DW about toradora.
arionhunter: Aww, I wanted to horrify you into silence!
---
arionhunter: *is still in love with the mental image of a fetus Hadron collider*
eisen: ... it's, uh. An image, yeah.
arionhunter: Don't you love knowing me?
katarik: ...
arionhunter: Those crazy kids and their colliding eggs
katarik: you are so weird.
arionhunter: Aww, but you love it

I have, in my day, experienced many an awkward penis euphemism.

However, I cannot decide which is worse: ( Cut to protect the innocent (though I have already taken the liberty of scarring katarik because I love her.) )